Thank you all for your continued prayers as we go through this strange journey again. Nate has continued to lose weight, and while it gets discouraging, we're hopeful to avoid the extreme of Jack's situation by staying in front of it.
Nate is not interested in a bottle or sippie cup at this point, but I'm still trying. Solid food is a battle, but he might be coming around somewhat. He doesn't open his mouth for the food, but he seems to be more accepting of it than he was. At least he's not screaming the whole time anymore....
I'm nursing about eight times a day, and then trying to feed him solids. Basically, that's all that's getting done around our 'stead. And that's okay.
Since I know many of you are praying, here are some specifics. Please pray:
- that I'll be able to think logically through the everyday stuff - not blowing normal issues like a spilled juice cup or a potty accident into catastrophic proportions.
- that I'll have energy to do the everyday chores and jobs that make our home more peaceful. I know it's okay to let some things go, and I am - if you knew the projects that I'm letting go for now...really exciting stuff...{insert very dramatic sigh here}, but I don't want to let the house "go." It will just make for a chaotic and unrestful place that I want to escape.
- that I will trust in the Lord and accept this as His will. I do really well at times, usually when I'm talking to someone, and then when I'm by myself I break down in tears several times a day.
James 1 says to consider it joy when we encounter various trials. Not that we are just happy as clams to be struggling, but that we recognize the ultimate aim which is "...endurance, and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
So let me tell you some of the things in which I find joy right now.
1. My baby is so very happy. We would have a much harder time going through this if he were fussy or uncomfortable.
2. My other kids are doing really well. They are getting along and loving each other and trying to help.
3. Jack is potty trained and that's one less thing we have to think about. On top of that, he potty trained almost painlessly. It. was. amazing.
4. We are living near my parents, who are very willing to help in any way they can. Last week, Handsome Hero was out of town {thankfully a rare thing in this new job} and we just packed up some stuff and went on down for the week. It was so incredible to be able to do that.
5. Handsome Hero isn't traveling anymore! Outside of last week, it will be almost never that he has to leave, and that is invaluable right now. He was out of town when Jack went into the hospital and had to fly in.
6. We've been through this before. We have Jack's wonderful girth to gaze upon lovingly. Those thunder thighs give me hope.
7. We've found a church, and already people have been calling and emailing and coming up to us and asking to help. Sometimes, just knowing that there is someone you could call is all you need.
8. We have found a doctor who, though he may not have seen it personally, has at least heard of this happening and isn't totally flummoxed.
9. I am getting my hair cut tomorrow. That is an outing. An outing by myself. An outing in which I will be pampered for a few minutes. By myself. Without children. Alone.
10. I have an amazing support in my husband. He, who incidentally brought me flowers this weekend :}, has been incredibly understanding and protective of me. He has taken on more of the housework without complaint or even waiting to be asked. He has made it his goal to make my burden lighter.
11. I am learning to trust the Lord more. I know that He loves Nate more than I ever could, and that He has a great purpose, even if I don't understand it.
I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. We aren't wallowing over here. We are joyful! We still laugh a lot. God is on His throne, my friends, and that is great news! I cry a lot, too, in frustration, defeat, or self-pity, and sometimes all three, but the bottom line is still the same. Whether I'm finding joy or grumbling and complaining, He is still the loving Father who cares for my little family better than I can. Who loves perfectly and shows great compassion.
And so we find joy.
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